Nobody, nobody but...Juan tells the story of a U.S.-based senior citizen named Juan (Dolphy) who lives in a senior citizens' home run by his son (Eric Quizon) and daughter-in-law (G. Toengi). Juan's favorite pastime is watching Wowowee on The Filipino Channel, though he does not watch the show just for entertainment's sake. Aside from wanting to connect with the Philippines that he dearly misses, Juan is lonesome for his first love Aida, with whom he lost touch during the Japanese occupation of Manila. Wowowee is Juan's way of coping with homesickness and reliving the past.
When watching Wowowee is banned in the home, Juan takes drastic measures to watch his favorite TV program. In his quest, he crosses paths with his old friend Tu (Eddie Garcia) who used to be his partner in the vaudeville duo Juan Tu. He then meets Wowowee host Willie Revillame when he was dragged by the dancers. He tells Willie about the things that happened in his old age. After he told the story, he then sees Lolay (Pokwang) shouting his name. Lolay introduces him to Willie again and introduces Tu. The guards see Tu and chase him down. Juan and Lolay also chase Tu. Tu hides in a branch of Mang Inasal and orders a Jumbo Roasted Chicken. Juan finds him and tells him why he was being chased down. The guards find Tu. Tu tells the guards that he would go to his family before going to jail. Juan is then reunited with his long-lost love Aida (Gloria Romero), whom he found out had married Tu.
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